When Caring Hurts

Chris Mathews of MSNBC's Hardball once summarized the differences between Left and Right this way: The Democrats are the "Mommy party" and the Republicans the "Daddy party". When we need some help or compassion we turn to Mom. When tough times hit, we turn to Dad. Viewing the ideologies of Left and Right, rather than just the parties, in this way can be helpful, despite the crudeness/bluntness of the metaphor. Conservatives are, in fact, often less caring and compassionate.

Often this is something for which we conservatives should apologize. But just as often, it is not.

This is a quandary, since we all value being compassionate and/or caring. At the root of this quandary is a corruption in our society. As a society we have redefined or misunderstood what it means to be caring. What our society calls "compassion" is not compassion. What we call "help" hurts. What we call "loving" is not showing love. Too often we end up feeding selfish desires at the expense of providing whatever it is that will truly help.

Examples of this are all over our society, and are probably present in each of our lives right now. It's the parent who spoils the child; it's the teacher who gives the student a better grade than was earned; it's the person who gets "one more chance" when they've already been given plenty; it's being politically correct instead of telling the truth. All these things have a common thread: they give temporary comfort at the expense of long-term benefit.

This happens when "caring" gets in the way of actually caring. When "loving" someone gets in the way of doing what is best for them. When "helping" a person only perpetuates the root problem that is causing their need. When being "understanding" feeds longer-term problems.

Yes, at times conservatives are too cold-hearted. Yes, there are times when our hearts need to grow several sizes. Yes, I myself can be more understanding. Yet there are other times when seeming uncaring is actually caring, seeming cold-hearted is loving, and seeming compassionless is the result of compassion.

Perhaps this phenomenon should not be framed in terms of politics, but in terms of life. Every day I see people I love making their own lives and the lives of those they care about worse because they are trying to be "compassionate", "loving", "helpful". May we do what is hard when it is right. May we be tough when tough is needed. May we throw away our emotional "compassion" for true compassion, and let us not give up on love when love need be tough.