Why Lawyers Suck

There is lots of animosity in this country toward lawyers. Need proof?

Q. What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why wouldn't you swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bicycle.

Q. What's brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A doberman.

It's not that I hate people who are lawyers. I have many lawyer friends, most of whom are genuinely kind people--kind, at least, in the situations where I usually find them. They can be giving, caring, compassionate, sincere, and trustworthy people.

But for some reason, however, you can take a person with all those great qualities, put them through four years of legal training, stick a suit on them, throw them in front of a judge, and they turn into the spawn of Satan. What is wrong with these people?

There can, in fact, be lawyers who are not perpetually evil. They are the exception. I'm talking about the other 97% (yes, 3% is being very generous).

Here are my reasons for despising this profession (yes, they all bear on politics):

#1 They make the rules that necessitate their own existence.
Have you ever tried to read a legal document? Enough said. You know why they have to write it that way? Two reasons: 1) It ensures that you need to hire another one of them to understand it; 2) If they didn't write it that way one of their bretheren would come in, say it was too vague or too specific or too clear or not clear enough and would sue the pants off someone.

#2 They are responsible for the Death of Responsibility
Lawyers, over the last twenty years (maybe more) have found clients in those people who want to sue. Sue sue sue. That's the motto. Since this gets the lawyer paid, they become blamemongers. Nothing is your fault. Got fired? Boss must have been in the wrong. Let's sue. Spill coffee on yourself? Oh, you're the victim. Let's sue. Oh, you're fat? Sue Jack in the Box. Just google "frivilous lawsuits" and you can read for hours. Even though most of those lawsuits are summarily dimissed, some lawyer filed the papers, stood before the judge, and with a straight face told him/her that whatever harm came of the client's stupidity was really someone else's fault. It's never your fault. Blame someone else. Sue.

#3 These same people become judges.
You may have read about how much I loathe judicial activism. It's no wonder that judges are willing to violate the sanctity of our Constitution and the foundations of our government for whatever purpose they choose. They have already been trained to violate the sanctity of truth, of reason, of responsibility, and of common sense. What's one more step in the process.

In the future I may well post a more dispassionate discussion of the negative effects of lawyers on America with more analysis, data, and argumentation. For now, let us realize that they are slowly but surely poisoning America with their flagrant disregard for personal responsibility.